Using food to avoid sensitivity.
I've been aware of this for a very long time now, but its getting to the stage where I am fed up of it, which is good. I use food to deal with my reactions to what I feel in the world, in my day, all around me, what I can't stop feeling. Our 6th sense, our intuition.
My thing recently has been vegan ice cream, which really is dampening my body to all I feel. The opposite of eating this is simply honouring how sensitive I am, and all I feel.
So why do I do it? When I feel rubbish after it, and know it's not the best way to deal with my reactions? That going for a walk, taking a breath, go to the gym, even taking ten minutes for myself to lie down would be much more supportive.
Because I react to things, not big massive reactions, but more subtle stuff, like feeling jealousy from others, other peoples stuff, maybe tension at work, family things, just what's going on for people, kids stuff, the education system, rude car drivers, people given up-ness, overwhelm, someone being nice to me when I know they don't like me or bitch about me behind my back etc and instead of simply feeling it, taking a split second pause to read everything that's going on and how I need to respond - I react - and in trying to deal with my reactions I east ice cream and other stuff, then it's a bit of a circle from there, feel more crap, more exhausted etc. Plus the biggest thing that exhausts me is my reactions. And when I am exhausted I react more. There is far better cycles to be in.
The thing is I can deal with anything when I am open to my sensitivity and feel. The thing that gets me is the reacting.
But what I am learning and working on just now is not reacting, with no perfection, but I do know there's a way I can live, whereby I don't react say 80-90% of the time.
It's a work in progress and it won't disappear over night, but for me it's about creating a body free of reactions and taking on other peoples stuff (basically I'm poisoning my body when I do this), and having a body clear to respond, either by simply observing, not needing to say or do anything or at times offering a verbal sharing. But in this my body is clear of everything that's going on, and that's what i am offering to others, plus I'm not coming home and reaching for the ice cream the minute I get through the door.
It's a win win for everyone, and I can already feel how much more joyful and light I am.