Self-esteem is something most people work on in their lives. But what if everything you already wanted is already within you?
I was lying in the bath the other night, washing my legs, feeling super sexy, appreciating and loving my body, when I suddenly realised that “Wow, I no longer have the thoughts that I used to have”. Thoughts that had run with me from my teenage years, such as; I hate my body, I wish I was thinner, I wish I had someone else’s body, I want longer or thinner legs, I wish I had a six pack or a flat tummy, I would prefer a more muscular and athletic looking body, I wish that my breasts were smaller. But now… I love my body just the way it is!
How my tummy has a beautiful gentleness to it and a little feminine curve,
That my legs are no longer hard and muscular; they may not look like a model’s, but to me they feel long, awesome and slender and are exactly the way they are meant to be,
My bum; it’s sexy, curvy and amazing, not pert or ‘perfect’,
How delicate my fingers are and my cute little toes,
My breasts are amazing and I wouldn’t change them for the world, The graceful and playful way that my body moves.
Then I thought about other times I have felt this way, for instance when I’m in the gym and I move with such playfulness and grace and with a huge smile on my face. Long gone are the days where I’d push my body hard, training to extremes and being obsessed by the perfect body image. A big support for me has been that I now listen to my body and have such fun in doing so.
For example, I leave the gym when my body feels it’s had enough, rather than just staying another twenty minutes when my body is clearly tired. So I leave feeling full of vitality, full of me, full of joy because I have honoured my body; there’s no adrenaline buzz, exhaustion, or pain. When I eat now there is no form of control, no obsession, no thoughts about calories, no worrying about fat, or whether I can eat this or can’t eat that, or if I eat this then I’ll skip a meal, or not eat tomorrow. I simply eat now to celebrate, appreciate, nourish and love my body, and me. I have so much fun in doing so. I love going food shopping and cooking now, feeling what foods to buy and eat, whereas before it used to be such a chore.
That’s not to say there’s days where I don’t eat things that aren’t the most nourishing and supportive, but every day is a learning – I know what I’m choosing now and most of the time I know exactly why. Before I would give myself such a hard time, which only prolonged the way I was feeling.
Now I simply say: Okay – what are you doing? This might taste good in my mouth but how will my tummy and body feel about it? Why are you really eating it? Why do you want to put this in your body? Why do you want to make yourself feel awful? … when you are worth so much more than that: learn from it and move on.
Even the way I choose to get dressed now is so different: no longer do I just put on whatever, but I take my time to choose what I really feel like wearing. Sometimes it may be to celebrate how sexy I am feeling, and this can be in jeans, a vest top and trainers, or at other times it may be to nurture me and keep me warm on a cold day; it may simply be that I feel to wear a certain colour, or it may be to honour how beautiful, feminine and delicate I am feeling. I feel so much joy in honouring this – I dress for me, not to impress or entice another. Even when I put make up on, it’s not to build my self-esteem, look better, cover up or hide what I don’t want others to see, but all of it is in celebration of me.
I can now stand in front of a mirror and claim that I am beautiful and damn sexy, whereas not too long ago I would avoid looking in mirrors as I would be quick to pick out all the faults that I thought I could see instead of seeing the true and beauty-full me.
And the amazing thing is that this love that I feel is not from anything I can do on the outside, it is something that is within me: I just need to allow myself to stay connected to it, to myself, and be present in my body. I’ve tried so many things to feel lovely but they simply didn’t work as they came from something outside of me.
They may have relieved me of feeling my hurts or emptiness for a little while, but it never really allowed me to deal with them and know that I am already more than enough. I used things like getting a new haircut, buying clothes, a new nutrition or diet fad, a thinner or fitter body to feel better, alongside all the self-help and new age stuff, but there was always an un-full-filled feeling there.
The love I now feel for myself and for my body comes from within me.
There’s a fullness, a celebration, a deep feeling from inside that simply, play-fully and joy-fully wants to emanate and radiate. It is the loveliest thing and it doesn’t stop with me. When this love and joy is felt and embraced, I can’t help but share it and feel the love in others, for in truth it’s not mine to keep and hide away.
Re-connecting to myself and allowing my love to be has been a support for me to appreciate myself. There is no longer a need for me to work on self-esteem, to look a certain way but to just accept, appreciate and celebrate that I am already enough – I am amazing.
It is with love, thanks and deep appreciation of Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and Caroline Raphael, for the absolute love and truth they present, live and share, and the constant inspiration, love and reflection from other practitioners and the amazing student body.
By Gyl Rae, Student and waitress, Scotland
Originally published on February 13th 2014 at https://truthaboutsergebenhayon.com/2014/02/13/self-esteem-is-no-longer-an-issue-appreciating-celebrating-and-loving-my-body/
Body Image – Beauty Comes from WithinI don’t remember being bothered about how my body looked when I was a young girl, I just remember being full of joy, loving people, playing, drawing, and dancing.
(Gyl Rae | Age 1-2)
It was not until I was about 10 or 11 years old that I remember having feelings about how I looked. I remember getting my hair cut short and being teased about it and called a boy.
It wasn’t until I went to high school that I began to have issues with my body. I’m not sure how or where this started but I do know it wasn’t something that ever crossed my mind as a child.
The older I got, and the more I was exposed to:
Other people’s comments
Beliefs and ideals about the way girls and women should look
Comparison and competition – which girl was prettier, thinner, more beautiful, accepted and liked and/or loved by others…
… the more I began to compare myself to these images and ideals and the more I began to associate how I looked on the outside with:
Whether I was accepted and liked
Whether I was seen by others to be beautiful… or not.
Throughout my teenage years and well into my early thirties I became obsessed with how my body looked; this was not outwardly obvious, but underneath there was a choice made to allow a driving force to have a perfect body that was thin and looked great. It was a form of control that made me feel safe in a world where I felt it was not safe to show how delicate, lovely and sensitive I am. It was never about being underweight or super thin, for me it was more about wanting a body that looked super fit, perfect and healthy.
There wasn’t any one person I would class as a role model, more just a general impact of the ideals and beliefs I observed and chose to take on from the world around me. However, the older I got and the more I exercised, the more I wanted a body like I saw in fitness magazines – strong, and what I thought was sexy, but now looking back it was really just hard and a form of protection.
It was like I had a point to prove to the world – that I was worth being loved.There was no joy or love in the relationship I had with myself, my body or the food I ate, it was all very much about obsession and control, only allowing myself to eat certain things, and exercising not to support or love myself, but to extremes to look a certain way. I had come to believe that only if I was thin, with a perfect tummy, bum etc., then I was beautiful. I had given up on being and letting out the amazing joy, playfulness and love I was as a child – and I still felt within – not caring what anyone else thought about me.
Now in my late thirties I can absolutely say that I love my body, I am beautiful and super sexy, playful and cute, and I know that first this all comes from within. When I feel beautiful, this shines out no matter what, and is felt by everyone.
Why? Because I feel beautiful and confident from within.
For me it is no longer about how I look on the outside first, but the quality and connection of the relationship I have with myself. I no longer compare myself to others, wish I was thinner or fitter, or look like GI Jane, as I love being me. There’s no perfect bum in sight but it is super cute; nor a six pack but a gentle, lovely curve.
I’m exactly the way I am meant to be.
I eat to support myself, not to control the way I think I should look, and when I exercise it is not to burn calories, lose weight or to get the ‘perfect body’, as I now know this does not exist.
I exercise because I love myself and I want to make that commitment to me, knowing that my beauty first comes from within.
You might ask how did this change come about from someone who was so dedicated and committed to pushing her body hard and training in a way that was in complete disregard of the delicate, petite woman I am. It was through meeting Serge Benhayon, attending Universal Medicine Events and practising the Gentle Breath Meditation that my life began to change. It didn’t happen overnight and there were no rules or quick fixes to follow, they simply presented to me that there is another way of living and being that is about love first; in other words, making self loving choices for myself and my body – which naturally unfolded into all areas of my life, from work, to relationships, to family and how I feel about myself.
It has been through these loving choices that I have made, and continue to keep making and deepening, that my life and my body has changed.It’s not that I have lost lots of weight, but there is a quality, a lightness, a joy and a beauty that shines out from within. For the first time in my life, since I was a little girl, I can feel the grace, delicateness, beauty, sweetness and joy that I am, and I no longer hide this away.